I just got off a call with a client. I decided to record this podcast because I see a theme in some of my most recent coaching sessions. Plain and simple you all are in need of a confidence boost. So many of us think that confidence is something we are born with or something that we can get. It’s as if you believe, confidence is an arrival place and once you have it you always have it. I also think that sometimes we believe that confidence comes from a set of actions that we do. If we just perfect these sets of actions, we will automatically be confident. What ends up happening though is if we don’t complete the set of tasks in exactly the right way, it erodes confidence. We are placing our ability to feel confident in our ability to complete a set of actions. Actions are not what creates confidence. We create confidence with our thoughts. I know this may seem counter-intuitive. So I’m going to give you a little confidence boost, by debunking some common confidence myths.
1. Please Don’t Fake the Funk. Be Real.
I know that we are told “fake it until you make it.” I actually think that can be very counterproductive for most of the ladies that I coach. So many of my lady boss clients have impostor syndrome running around in the background of their minds. When they fake the funk and fake the confidence, it only feeds the idea that they will be found out somehow. It feeds their impostor syndrome that somebody will find out that they’re really not as confident as they’re projecting. This can actually erode your confidence rather than helping it.
You know what is confident? Being authentic and being real. Sometimes that also requires us to show some vulnerability. It could be as simple as acknowledging you don’t know something or need to learn more. It could be as simple as saying “tell me more about that.” It is not an admission of failure or defeat. But it is real and it is the best way to combat impostor syndrome. You allow yourself to be yourself When you allow yourself to come with whatever knowledge you actually have, you are more likely to learn from the experience and grow. Confidence is a measure of capability, which you already have in spades, and then availing yourself of that capability. The best way to Avail yourself of the capability you have is to acknowledge sometimes that it has its own limitations. That way we don’t allow impostor syndrome to grow and we show up as our true self; ready and willing to learn and to grow. This is real confidence in action.
2. Show up
Remember confidence is two parts (1) capability, which you already have, and (2) availing yourself of that capability. We cannot work on your confidence if you opt out of situations where you are uncomfortable. This is why it’s so important to allow yourself room to be uncomfortable and then to do things anyway. When we are faking we are not allowing ourselves discomfort. We are actually resisting the discomfort and compounding the impostor syndrome. In this case were less likely to actually grow and learn from experiences because we are too busy faking things. When we allow ourselves to show up authentic and real, even when we are uncomfortable, we can boost our confidence. A style example of this is showing up to a zoom call even when you don’t have something to wear. Yeah you may feel uncomfortable. You may feel that you are under-dressed, You may feel like a total frump, however you decided to acknowledge that and take action anyway. It’s not that you’re pretending that you feel better. You acknowledge the discomfort and you show up anyway. This is how we cultivate confidence.
3. Take Consistent Action
Get in the habit of showing up even when you are uncomfortable. Cultivate the habit of acknowledging your thoughts of impostor syndrome, but taking action anyway. Get in the habit of showing up consistently, which means you show up to the zoom call even when you feel a little bit under-dressed. You show up to that webinar for your clients even when you don’t feel exactly equal to the task. Show yourself that you are capable and you’re putting the capability to use. You are growing that confidence because you’re thinking more useful thoughts, feeling your feelings, and taking action from a place that allows room for compassion for yourself. You’re not giving in to the daily story, that you’ll die if you don’t look perfect on camera.
Conclusion: Be Real, Show up, Take Consistent Action and you will build Confidence.
I want to encourage you and let you know that confidence doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing game. Confidence does not require you to be perfect. It does not require you to look on point all the time. It does require that you show up real, ready to acknowledge that you may not be equal to the task, but then showing up consistently anyway. Confidence is realness in action.
If you are interested to learn more about style confidence and how to show up consistently and confidently for your clients, I would like to invite you to join me for the Style Conference Retreat. You can learn more by click here.
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